Friday, October 28, 2011

Darn It Dolly!

Pssst...Hey..It's me..Willie...

I'm just a tad miffed at my housemate Dolly. Now this isn't the first tangle that Dolly and I have gotten into. Dolly thinks she's bees knees, the Queen of Everything, she's more than sure she's the Alpha in this house and never ever lets Buddy or I forget it. Believe me she is living proof that rank has it's privileges.

Let's just say that she's more than spoiled and whatever Dolly wants Dolly gets.

Every stinking time.

Just trust me when I tell you Dolly gets by with all kinds of things that for Buddy and I would result in foot in the fanny.

Finally I get to have a go at the chukars. I've been waiting for a week. I saw them..I smelled them.. I've been whining and hopping and body slamming  Medcine Mama everytime catch a whiff them;  for forever it seems.

I was soooo happy yesterday - the chuckars came out and I was off like a shot.

Speaking of shots - did I mention that Dolly is gun shy? Did I mention that she won't do a water retrieve? She dips in one toe and the runs shrieking back to our human. She's too much of princess to get in smelly river and pond water. And mud? Not on her delicate little diva feet - But I digress...

I fetched up that chukar like there was no tomorrow. I did the parade   romp just to make sure Buddy and Dolly saw that ....

I HAVE A BIRD! I have a bird! I have a bird! I am a good gun dog! I have a bird! I did good! I have a bird...

Suddenly Dolly left her at heel position with Mama and in one of her infamous "Drive By Dolly " moves (usually performed on somebody's ham sandwich) she came snarling and spitting and tearing right past my head and in the blink of an eye and a flutter of  feathers  the chukar was gone! Ripped right from my soft little delicate bird holding mouth.

I HAD a bird. I know I did. I have a feather stuck on my tongue..

Did Dolly do the right thing and deliver it to Medicine Mama's hand  with nary a feather out of place? Oh God no. Not the Queen.. it was HER chukar..and her's alone. Even Buddy just stood there with his big ol' mouth hanging open catching flies. Buddy may think in cartoons, but even he knows -


She mangled and chomped and crunched ..... oh the humanity... it was bloody disastrous sight.

If you haven't gathered by now -  Dolly is lousy hunting dog. She may be a great service dog, she may be a princess and I know she's been here forever..and she's getting old and testy - but heaven help us if that crazy gun shy bitch ever goes afield with me again. Just sayin'...She's not welcome in my field or blind, or pit anymore.
She's a bird cruncher.  A BIRD CRUNCHER! Oh the humanity....

Just as fast as she ripped that chukar from my poor confused jaws, she completely destroyed it. The feathers flew,  and there was just a little pile of legs and bones and feathers.

She looked all serial killer smug when she was done.

Yep I am miffed - finally I get my chance at chukar, I get to show everyone what a wonderful bird dog I could be and Dolly wrecks it all and eats my chukar..

Darn it Dolly!

I'm just thinking I am going to request we leave that savage and crabby old broad at home next time.  (Dolly you goof balls, not Medicine Mama! MM is  only a savage once in awhile.)  Dolly's on the road to making a retirement career of it.

I might add it has become remarkably  clear why we don't have any chickens. I bet we did once before I got here and Dolly  had a chicken massacre, a chicken crunching field day. Medicine Mama will neither confirm nor deny my chicken crunching allegations about Dolly  - so I'm running with the story  that Dolly is a chicken and chukar cruncher. 

Dolly didn't even get growled at for wrecking the chukar. I'd have gotten an earful. and probably an ear pinch.

Oh yeah she thinks she's queen of everything that Dolly, but her day is coming. Before she knows it  I am going to be the Alpha  dog, I'm going to be the one with the cool vest, and the harness and the backpack. I'll be the one that gets to go all the cool places with Medicine Mama.  

Even places they shoot guns.
Because I an not gun shy.
Because I am not a bird cruncher. 

So there Dolly - just keep on munching on those chukars... My day is coming!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Much Ado About Nothing

Hey..psst.. it's me..Willie...

My silly human and her silly human friend the Funeral Home Chick (I'm serious as a heart attack - that chica talks to dead people.. ) along with Auntie Sue got in a big, giant, huge, fizz yesterday.


Medicine Mama and The Funeral Home Chick were going to lunch. I might add - I was not invited.. ahem..

Medicine Mama was in her typical running behind, trying to do three things at once and lost her train of thought state of mind. Lost? Truthfully her train of thought was derailed and  in a big wreck.

Of course the blame fell on me... it always falls on me. Sigh.. I'm glad I'm blocky, stocky, lab and have wide shoulders 'cause you humans sure pile it on me. Literally and figuratively. 

Truthfully - it is only partially my fault, and if they would have all just calmed down and stopped that silly human wailing and gnashing of teeth - I would have fixed it all. But I was seriously distracted by the utter chaos those three created in my house.

Just picture it - three adult (and I use that term loosely when it comes to this trio) women running crazed through the house ranting and raving about Medicine Mama's missing glasses. Evidently she really can't see so well without them. Seems they are indeed necessary - who was I to know this? Hmm did anyone tell me this ever? NO!

Now this is just my humble opinion, but if MM would clean house once every few years, things would be infinitely  easier to find when they are missing. I was amazed that Funeral Home Chick and Aunt Sue didn't point out that simple fact midway through the whole  "OMG WILLIE ATE THE GLASSES!"  trumoil I was subjected to.

It's simple.. I found them on the bathroom floor.

I picked them up and was headed to the desk with them when there was an uproar in the yard. Buddy and Dolly were howling and .growling and it was clear there was huge threat to security out there.

I was momentarily distracted.

I might have carried the glasses outside.

I might have put them in secure spot under the leaves on the back deck.

I did not eat them for heavens sake. I did not chew them up for heavens sake. I did not lose them. 

I'm not the one who carelessly left them on the bathroom floor. 

To her credit, MM kept telling me to find and fetch them up - but with all that crazy running amok and wailing and carrying on those three women were doing I simply could not concentrate or remember exactly where I left them - safe and sound mind you. I could remember they weren't hurt in anyway, so I truly still fail to see the big deal here.

Finally Mama sent the other two crazy ladies packing - resigned that she would be making the hour long trip to the eye glasses place to get a replacement pair.  HAH!

Did she really think I was going to let her drive  all that way? Especially since I had learned by then these glasses are big deal for her?

We had a little " come to Jesus" talk as she calls it (I call it a royal butt chewing thank you very much).

Okay fine - I see this is indeed a big honking deal. Fine. I trotted out to exactly where I left them. I fetched them up. I delivered them to hand. So there.

Now stop that wailing and gnashing of teeth would you ladies? It gets on my nerves.  

Later Gators.. going to try and scare up a bird or two..

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Have the Nose..That Knows!'s me Willie....

MUD!!! WATER!!! YAY!!!!

Freedom at last! Thankfully all that silly business about having to stay quiet, don't get wet. don't go the woods - Whew! It's finally over! I am able to go swimming, running amok, and mushroom hunting with Medicine Mama again.

I just love stirring  up the mud and water- I'm free again!

I really need to  be out there with her. She is such a klutz and gets her self into the biggest fixes when I am not along to supervise. For instance - just the other day she took a faceplant into the brush pile.


 Would have never happened if she'd had me along...I know my job is to look after her. Just sayin'... she ought to know better than to take off without me. Ahem. Thankfully she didn't really rip anything to shreds- I am not up for being a seeing eye dog. Oh no.. I draw the line at that. Well maybe.. okay fine - you are all correct; I would be a seeing eye dog if that's what she needed. But really - you want to try and tell her she needs one?  Hmm.. Didn't think so.

So anyway - Back to all the fun and mayhem - er - retriever activity the last few days.
First day out we got to go run around with our friends Adam and Piper; well they really are more than just our friends, Piper is my cousin and Adam is just plain special.

See; this is exactly why I like Adam - He'll do the heavy lifting for me. Have you ever seen so much FUNGUS?
I like it when he goes along, takes a little heat off me and he helps her lots so I can go play with Piper and just be a dog. That's important you know - we caregivers need some time to ourselves.

Piper! I'm Free!! I'm Free!!! Lets go Cousin! I smell turkey  poop ahead!

Piper- Tell your human to mellow out- we are waterdogs and this isn't hurting a thing...

Adam didn't believe that I'd been playing find the mushroom with her..but she's been putting this crazy smelly stuff on one of my chompers, smells like fungus to me peee eeew..makes me sneeze sometimes too.

But I know that it's evidently some big deal because when she told me to hunt em up- find the shroom - she got really excited when I found one of those big ugly piles of yes..fungus.

And she thinks I get excited and eat weird things? Would you look at this  pile of fungus? BLECH

Now if it was something dead and smelly- she'd growl at me, if it was goose poop, she'd growl at me.. but if its bones or fungus..those are good things. Who would know? - she is kind of a weirdo you know. 

While we are on this retrieving/hunt em up  subject- why  fungus ? I happen to know we have some perfectly good chukars..I saw them....when do I get to retrieve them? Huh?  Isn't that what I am supposed be after? Huh? BIRDS????

Yep I have a nose that knows - it knows she really needs to clean out this stinky car too!

So anyhow I'm a happy guy - because I have a nose that knows! If it makes her happy, it makes me happy. But Lily my love- would you please speak to your human about this craziness of hers and Medicine Mama's that involved sticking their heads in a skunk hole? Really - We know better and we are just dogs. Oh yeah - that's right, we are dogs with noses that know. Noses that know better than to go sticking them in skunk holes! Think we missed that teachable moment Lily? ?

Later Gators - gotta go find more  fungus ( MM should really just  look in the basement---my nose says there's plenty down there.)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

It's Been A Great Summer

Psst..hey's me Willie ...

Finally! I have gotten that Wild Woman slowed down and regained my access to the computer. Whew - she's been running around for last week like rabbit  with a pack of hounds hot it on it's trail. ( Oh BunBun calm down-it's just an expression- really - they'd  never set the hounds on you..and if anyone did.. I'd create a diversion..honest)

I've been reading up on this blogging business, because I know how expensive Dolly, Buddy and I can get. They may not care about bringing home the bacon, but I on the other hand insist on doing my part around here.

Remember?  My beloved Lily has that zero tolerance policy on deadbeats?

So in order to improve my skills as a blogger I've been hanging out and reading over Medicine Mamas shoulder when she visits The Outdoor Bloggers Network, there's good stuff there fellow bloggers..seriously you can take advice from a dog, just don't tell your friends and family I'm your adviser - because my schedule is getting a little full these days; and they might think you are as nutty as my human. 

Now this Outdoor Bloggers Network place has these nifty prompts for those who have writers block or need a boost in their creative mojo that seem to very helpful to the humans out there in the blogging world.

Just for the record - I rarely have a problem with having something to say - but the prompts are fun.

So the most recent one was about our favorite photos from this summer, Hah That's a piece of cake! We all know my human as files and files and files of photos.

Without further adieu - here are some of my favorite times from this summer.

~This is not proof that I am an  overachiever retriever - I just couldn't pick just one is all...~

The absolute best part of summer was meeting our hero The Hunters Wife! We  got her out on a boat with flying carp landing at her delicate pink feet!

My human is always happy when she shoots fish..and I get to play in the water! 

Medicine Mama and our best friend Adam at Ferne Clyffe State Park - note the water ;)

Meeting and training with my new friend Hershey and his human Madison

Fishing with our pal Tater 

My new friend and training partner Molly  - even if her human does have that scary  "cop voice" he's really a nice guy

Playing at Silver Creek Hunt Club with Mia, Nes, Piper and Beau while our humans build the new club house

Later Gators...
Medicine Mama's chomping at the bit to go find mushrooms..AGAIN

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What a Crab!

Psst - hey - It's me Willie

Boy is my human a crab these days. There is nothing I can do to please her. And she's not very nice when she's crabby.

I was crushed this past weekend -
My beloved Lily's humans came to visit - and Lily didn't get to come along! I know that Crabby Pants had a hand in that. Then they all went off to play in the woods - where there's a big creek that is great fun for splashing and swimming and I always find dead stuff there to roll in. But- did I get to go?


All that silly lockdown business until I heal up.

Crabby Pants said I had to stay home.

Yesterday morning I was only trying to get her outside - it was really a pretty day and going outdoors always makes her smile; soooooo I took her interview notes and notebook outside . I put some of the notes on the deck, some in the fountain, some under the rosebush. You see, I thought a little scavenger hunt in the sunshine might be fun and help improve her mood.

Well - not so much.

Crabby pants shouted at me! In that "you are a criminal" tone of voice.  Something about deadlines, no time for foolishness.

She called me a piss ant.

A Piss Ant.


I know she doesn't feel good, and I know she is worried. You humans think I don't pay attention. But I hear those conversations about doctors and surgery and hospitals. I think she's a little scared too.

So I just keep laying down with her when she naps, and sitting on her lap, I lick her face and snuggle her up.

No! I am not too big to be a lap dog!

She's going off to the city tomorrow and it is big deal I think because the fuzzy human is going along and he never goes with her.

(and you humans think think I just run around chewing up shoes and sticks  all day  but I pay attention!)

So today I am going be the best dog I can be and maybe Crabby Pants will snap out of it long enough to throw a bumper and stop calling me piss ant.

Piss ant. How offensive.

Later Gators -
I'm going to fetch up Crabby Pants some coffee..