Monday, January 23, 2012

The Pet Door Debacle

Psst..hey - it's me Willie;

Well friends, I'm in deep you know what again..all over that silly pet door.

Back when I was wee little ball of fluff - a very cute ball of yellow fluff I might add - the fuzzy human worked hard all one Sunday to put in a giant pet door for Dolly, Buddy, and I. Of course it had to be a giant one.. you guys have seen Buddy right?

Well, since we have had no ducks, and the crazy woman has been a little lax in keeping me occupied, I had to create some of my own fun this weekend.

Did you know those flappy things on the pet door stretch? WOOOHEEE great fun.. grab the bottom of the flappy thing and PUUUUUULLLL boy does it snap back and bounce!

Maybe..just maybe, I pulled a little too hard, a little too much and welllll....the whole works came flying off and landed on the deck..


I think I would have gotten by wth it if the fuzzy human wasn't so darned cold natured.. and the wind and rain hadn't started.

I thought perhaps my best course of action would be to hide the evidence, and hope that moose dog Buddy got blamed for being too big to get through and subsequently wrecking it, but just as I was busy stuffing the faulty (Yes I say faulty! The manufacturer should have allowed for this kind of fun!) flap into the  shrubs I heard the fuzzy human shriek "WILLIE You little pissant!"

I hate when he calls me a pissant - really I'm a better creature than those annoying  little black bugs. I also hate it because it's usually followed up with a boot in my behind and I was pretty sure this was going to be one of those boot in the behind deals.

I fetched that faulty flap right into his lap. He was not amused nor pleased with my outstanding retrieving abilities.  Sheesh he is a crab.

There was wailing and gnashing of teeth, lots of expletives that I will spare your delicate ears - seriously things I shouldn't have heard; I am still in my formative years!

When all was said and done, and I had been duly chastised, the faulty flap was restored with about half a roll of gorilla tape.

See there - problem solved. No need for that boot in the behind business.

Later Gators..I've got to go perform some "testing" of the stretchiness and durability of Gorilla tape!

~Just for the record though - I'm staying mum about who ate  the roll of gorilla tape that was casually left on the floor by the pet door. Just remember friends..Buddy is the one with food issues ;) ~

Saturday, January 14, 2012

No Birds

Psst.... hey it's me Willie......
No,  contrary to belief I haven't been on some electronic lockdown. In fact surprisingly enough I haven't really been in much trouble lately.
I have a confession - I think I have been depressed.
At least overwhelmingly melacholy, and little confused  on top of it.
This was supposed to be my first duck hunting season - oh I was going to impress the socks off all those fellas..
I know they think I'm a big galoot,  but I retrieve like a champion!

Sadly - I made no big impressions this season. 

First off we had delayed start.. that crazy human got all sliced and diced and whined and carried on like she was going to croak or something. My pal Piper..she was out there snatching up ducks and even geese.. but oh no.. I was stuck inside playing nursemaid.

Finally the human drags her carcass to the blind and all I heard  was no bird.. no bird..  ( seems to me there sure were a lot of shotgun shells wasted) no bird, my paw. Piper got birds.

Frankly I've heard no bird until I don't care if I ever hear it again.

The human and I have burned up a thousand miles and all I hear is no birds.. no birds..
She kept saying no birds...
Her friends kept saying  - no birds...
Hell the internet birds.
What is this no birds business?

I read all the predictions, the hatch reports, all the news that  is the news in the duck world. ( I am a prepared duck dog you know!)  and everything said there would be millions of ducks.
Our esteemed DNR Director championed for season date changes and zone boundary changes, that all pointed to an even better season ahead. I was excited!
But there were no birds.


Some say it was a freakishly warm winter that kept all of them up north ( I think that means in Wisconsin and Minnesota) some are trying to blame the season and zone changes, but I don't think that mattered. Even we'd had the same as last year, THERE WERE NO BIRDS!

So here I sit... duck season is over in my zone..the human is sucking up herbal tea and nyquil, and I have no birds to my credit. NO freaking birds.

I think it was a conspiracy.

Later Gators.....
I'm going to see if I can find a sky carp; surely they are out there.