Blowin' In The Wind; Five Tips For Coping With Coat Blowing

"The answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind"  or so  says Bob Dylan. Well, around ourhouse right now the answer isn't the only thing blowin' in the wind!

It's coat blowing season - you know, that time of year when  dogs shed their undercoat in a mass explosion of fur and dander.

We dogs tend to shed extra during Spring and Fall; or as you humans call it; coat blowing season. Dogs are double-coated, meaning we have undercoats. Somewhere I read this science - y sounding explanation of all of this; double coated means there are secondary hairs that occur around the primary hairs. Hence double coated. The secondary hairs  tend to be shorter and softer. Seasonal shedding occurs as a result of temperature change, thus the term "coat blowing season". When it starts warming up outside, we shed our old winter undercoats to make way for a new lighter summer undercoat. Works the same way in the fall -  when it begins to get cool again, we shed our lighter undercoats in order to grow a thicker, warmer coat for winter.  We duck dogs NEED that heavier winter undercoat since you humans keep sending us out in freezing water, snow and ice to haul back ducks and geese. ( you humans are such lazy bones sometimes!)  

The crazy lady I live with  is under the impression that yella dogs have a different coat blowing season than others; she's gone so far as to opine that it runs from January to December. Ahem. I think not. I say that is a mere myth. A total misconception.

I also think just by the looks of things swirling across the hardwood floor, my big pal Buddy is the absolute worst  coat blower on the planet. There are just big chunks of fur dropping off when he ambles by. Of course, Queen Dolly, Madam Perfect; she barely drops a wisp here and there. Naturally! It's because she's special. ACK.

I have no idea why there's so much caterwauling and wailing and gnashing of teeth around here. It's only a little dog hair, and it's easy enough to cope with! I'm just a dog, and one with questionable intellect if you ask my humans, and even I know how to handle it!

TIP 1: Brush me! Brush me often, brush me regularly, and try one of those fancy FURminator contraptions. The FURminator has done more to restore order and cheerfulness to this household than most anything. It feels good, it gets all that deep down stuff up and out. The more I get brushed, the more the hair stays outside, the happier the humans are.

TIP 2: Bathe me! Well trust me,  nobody has to convince the bath happy broad this is good thing. I swear she tosses me in the tub willy nilly at the slightest provocation. Please. I am a dog. I get muddy. I get stinky. That's what we do. However thankfully the bath obsessed broad always uses  great shampoo so my skin doesn't get dried out, I don't stink of blue mud, and I am such shiny coated fool I am surprised Clairol hasn't called me to be in a commercial. The two shampoos that stay on the bathtub shelf in our house are RFC Labs Hydrocept and Marsh Mutt. Both are terrific and I give them a five PAW rating.

The Hydrocept has been a real help for Queen Dolly - she's so special and so sensitive that every little thing makes her scratch and itch and oh goodness - we can't be having Dolly  uncomfortable now can we? The RFC Labs Hydrocept is Dolly 's favorite bath time treat. She says yep it's five paw winner!




TIP 3: Feed me well! For heaven's sake stomp scrimping on the dog food! Feed the best you can resonantly afford. Scout around for some of the formulas that address skin and coat needs. There's many good brands out there. . Put a fish oil capsule in with each feeding and your four footed friend will always have a  shiny silky coat. Toss a raw egg in once or twice week. I'm a Lab for God's sake - FEED ME!

TIP 4: Alrighty, this is just for you humans. You are the ones that get all buggy about the coat blowing to begin with. You know, we dogs would be happy to just go roll in the mud, scrape on tree and carry on. Alas, since you all seem to be such neatnics and fur-a phobes , I figured I should at least give you a heads up. Stop Sweeping. Brooms will only frustrate you and send the fur flying. You'll still be chasing fur next Friday. Now, I didn't say stop picking up fur now did I? Use a vacuum, one of those pad style swiffery things, or you can try my lazy humans trick - turn the ceiling fans on high - ALL OF THEM ; it blows the fur into neat piles that the vacuum can just suck right on up. Another product we like our house  is the Bounce Dryer Bar. Any hair that is still sticking to clothes that make it to the dryer somehow gets magically removed if a Bounce Bar is in there. Don't ask me how it works - I climbed into the dryer to fully investigate this new miracle, but all that spinning made me so dizzy I had to bail before I finished the investigation. And do I really have to explain that all the aforementioned brushing should be done OUTSIDE? Preferably wheen there's a swift breeze?

TIP 5: Lastly, think of others. Goodness there's a so much fur flying there has to be good use for it. While I still haven't found anyone to spin it into yarn, I do make sure it gets recycled for all my bird and small creature friends. Toss it about the yard, hang it from the bushes, hide it under the bushes or if you are obsessively  neat and tidy, stuff it in  suet feeders for the birdies to have for their nests. THEY love shed fur.

Coat blwing season doesn't have to be a trial, just consider all the extra time you ge to spend with the furry creatures in your life. Brush, Bathe, Bond.

Later Gators... gotta run! The human is after me with a brush and bath towel!

There's a Conspiracy Afoot.....

Pssst... Hey it's me Willie!

There's a conspiracy afoot  here. No..no.. I am NOT  talking about gun grabs, political upheaval or civil wars. I'll leave all that to you crazy, foil hat wearing, humans.

But there is a conspiracy - THE BIG DOGS ARE OUT TO GET ME!

Oh sure it's all great when you are little and cute and full of puppy breath. But trust me, life at the bottom of the pack isn't so wonderful as time goes on.

Dangerous Dolly

Lordy that Dolly - you know - The Grand Dame - that rules the roost. She is getting to be one heck of crabby old broad. There I said it. Dolly is a crab ass. And furthernmore, Dolly is not thrilled with retirement and having me as her replacement. I think she misses going to all the cool places that I get to go with the crazy lady. But at least she gets to go and just be a dog. I have to WORK!

This where the conspiracy starts... Dolly is trying to make me look like a pillow gutting, destroying, destructive young man. She doesn't want me moving up the ladder...kennel politics I tell ya, they are tiresome.

I AM INNOCENT!

Innocent I tell you!

Dolly is a known and recorded gutter.. she rips the stuffing out everything that crosses her path and leaves a wake  of fiber fill and feathers behind her. All I do is occasionally nap in what she leaves behind.

Please note: Buddy and I are ignoring the scene of the crime - because we are innocent!

Seriously - That darn Dolly goes on a gutting frenzy, leaves a piles of soft stuff and NO ONE sees it. Let me lay my head down for one minute in the soft fluff and instantly the whole world sees  it and accuses me!!! UNJUSTLY accuses me.

I'm on to you Dangerous Dolly - I'll not get caught in this trap again!

Please friends - ignore all those tirades by  my humans about my destructive habits - It's all that sneaky Dolly. I assure you..all Dolly's doings as part of her conspiracy to keep me forever at the bottom of the pack.

Well, Ms. Dangerous Dolly.. hang on to your sheepskin blankie sister.. I have few  tricks of my own !
Let the games begin! 

I'm BAAACK!!!!

Psst.. it's me Willie...I'm Back!!!!
Where have I been you ask? 
(all over hell and back - remember who I live with? )

Oh, it was such an unfortunate turn of events, and just for the record, I was truly NOT GUILTY!

That crazy woman I live with banned me from the computers!
Can you belive it?
BANNED ME!
It truly was some great misunderstanding. Frankly, I blame HER!

SHE is the one who left  her e bay page and pay pal account open.
SHE should know better than that don't you think?

I really didn't mean to buy all that stuff...it was a mere slip of a paw.
After all I was just browsing decoys, and wingers, and fancy schmacy leads and collars....I might have pressed the occasional "buy now" button. 
Hey you try typing with webbed, furry, paws. MISTAKES HAPPEN!

So, the end result? The Evil Queen banned me for YEAR! A YEAR!! Lordy, I have fans and friends, and followers and she bans me from the internet for a year? There went my career out the window.

But I have worked hard, done my job and taken care of her old raggedy fanny well. I have been pardoned and I'm back!!!

 

Later Gators..I have a lot of Facebook pals to catch up with!

Life's Short- Play In the Mud!

Just popping in for moment - nothing profound today.. because well I'm busy zoom, zoom, zooming around. .
Swiped the keys, the phone and the tablet.. will be picking up pals soon..for a little fun, fun, fun 'til Chief Jason takes the T Bird away...

Oh stop fussing..we will wear our seat belts!

So my message today - Life is short! Have Fun! Go Outside!, Get Muddy! Splash  In  Puddles!.. it's good for your soul!

Go on..get muddy today! I double dog dare you!

Run and play hard- it's good for the heart!

Splash..just cause you can!

GO Play!

Later gators ... got zooming to do before Chief Jason catches us! 

Safety First Humans! Safety First!

Psst hey.. it's me Willie...

I know.. I know.. I've been a slacker about blogging, but hey that crazy human chick has been dragging my fanny all over hill and dale - hither and yon. Just exhausts a poor fellow,  all that aimless wandering that she she does.

I was all set to tell you about our wandering  and shed hunting adventures, (cause lord knows she is still insisting that antlers are dropping already pffft.. they are not.) when our friend Ms. Gigi from Rainforest Coastal Labs sent this photo of a horror she stumbled upon:

Oh Holy Milk Bones! My heart stopped, my stomach hurt, my eyes burned, and I was as woozy as the poor dog that had to ride there with exhaust, rocks and dust  billowing up his snout. Could that be real? Humans - I know you guys can be foolish, but this?

Oh my.... for the love canine creatures...I have to say WTF???.  Okay, that's gonna get my mouth washed out with soap, but really..that's all I could think.

Thinking of my  humans less than stellar driving abilities - seriously she drives like a mad woman, turned loose on a Nascar track - I got even more woozy.

Thinking back to when she got rear ended  at the stoplight (yeah yeah  - disclaimer -  not her fault) I got a whole lot more woozy from that mental picture. Traumatized is good word to use. What if I had been in a crate like that  just hanging on the back bumper? Oh the horror that thought brought to mind. Frankly, makes me queasy just writing that.

So I'm on a mission now to spread the word - SAFETY FIRST! Please humans - transport us safely!

Like any good writer I decided I'd better do some research about this dog transport business. My pals at the hunt tests have all manner of nifty boxes, crates, trailers,  you name it.  My hero Mighty Timaeus - well his human even crawled in his dog trailer to make sure it was fit for him! Now that's my kind of gal!  Then again, she might have done it to make sure he would fit because they don't call him Big Ass for nothing.  But  I digress - let's look at some safe ways to transport us courageous canines. After all we're riding with YOU HUMANS and that alone makes us courageous!

I always thought this trailer looks like it could withstand an atomic blast..

First I checked at GunDog - I always like their information, and trust it. Of course they had a great article about the different styles of trailers and how to transport;  you can read all about trailers  here  . As usual there was more at Gun Dog magazine that I can't resist sharing - they do know dogs over there! Here's another good article about traveling with gun dogs.

We're seat belt fans here at our place, for humans and dogs. Here's a good look at why  leaving me loose during all my travels would NOT be the best idea. The human says it's because I keep trying to drive, but if you had to ride with  her you'd want to drive too.  I keep hoping the nice folks at Ruff Rider will send me one of their newest models to try out.  I hear from my dog colleagues that they are pretty much the be all and end all of doggie seat belt systems.

Whether you choose a trailer, a box, a crate or a seat belt restraint system - above all, make sure it's safely secured. I really don't think any of my four footed pals or I want to experience flying out of a truck bed (in or out of a crate). Contrary to popular belief - that does not make us better behaved truck bed riders..it just makes us bruised and battered.

So humans,  take us along..takes us everywhere.. but take us safely!

Later Gators..gotta go beg Ruff Rider for a new harness! Think this face will work?

PLEASE transport all dogs safely! I'm begging you!

The Pet Door Debacle

Psst..hey - it's me Willie;

Well friends, I'm in deep you know what again..all over that silly pet door.

Back when I was wee little ball of fluff - a very cute ball of yellow fluff I might add - the fuzzy human worked hard all one Sunday to put in a giant pet door for Dolly, Buddy, and I. Of course it had to be a giant one.. you guys have seen Buddy right?

Well, since we have had no ducks, and the crazy woman has been a little lax in keeping me occupied, I had to create some of my own fun this weekend.

Did you know those flappy things on the pet door stretch? WOOOHEEE great fun.. grab the bottom of the flappy thing and PUUUUUULLLL boy does it snap back and bounce!

Maybe..just maybe, I pulled a little too hard, a little too much and welllll....the whole works came flying off and landed on the deck..

OOPSIE

I think I would have gotten by wth it if the fuzzy human wasn't so darned cold natured.. and the wind and rain hadn't started.

I thought perhaps my best course of action would be to hide the evidence, and hope that moose dog Buddy got blamed for being too big to get through and subsequently wrecking it, but just as I was busy stuffing the faulty (Yes I say faulty! The manufacturer should have allowed for this kind of fun!) flap into the  shrubs I heard the fuzzy human shriek "WILLIE You little pissant!"

I hate when he calls me a pissant - really I'm a better creature than those annoying  little black bugs. I also hate it because it's usually followed up with a boot in my behind and I was pretty sure this was going to be one of those boot in the behind deals.

I fetched that faulty flap right into his lap. He was not amused nor pleased with my outstanding retrieving abilities.  Sheesh he is a crab.

There was wailing and gnashing of teeth, lots of expletives that I will spare your delicate ears - seriously things I shouldn't have heard; I am still in my formative years!

When all was said and done, and I had been duly chastised, the faulty flap was restored with about half a roll of gorilla tape.

See there - problem solved. No need for that boot in the behind business.


Later Gators..I've got to go perform some "testing" of the stretchiness and durability of Gorilla tape!

~Just for the record though - I'm staying mum about who ate  the roll of gorilla tape that was casually left on the floor by the pet door. Just remember friends..Buddy is the one with food issues ;) ~

No Birds

Psst.... hey it's me Willie......
No,  contrary to belief I haven't been on some electronic lockdown. In fact surprisingly enough I haven't really been in much trouble lately.
BUT-
I have a confession - I think I have been depressed.
At least overwhelmingly melacholy, and little confused  on top of it.
This was supposed to be my first duck hunting season - oh I was going to impress the socks off all those fellas..
I know they think I'm a big galoot,  but I retrieve like a champion!

Sadly - I made no big impressions this season. 

First off we had delayed start.. that crazy human got all sliced and diced and whined and carried on like she was going to croak or something. My pal Piper..she was out there snatching up ducks and even geese.. but oh no.. I was stuck inside playing nursemaid.

Finally the human drags her carcass to the blind and all I heard  was no bird.. no bird..  ( seems to me there sure were a lot of shotgun shells wasted) no bird, my paw. Piper got birds.

Frankly I've heard no bird until I don't care if I ever hear it again.

The human and I have burned up a thousand miles and all I hear is no birds.. no birds..
She kept saying no birds...
Her friends kept saying  - no birds...
Hell the internet said....no birds.
What is this no birds business?

I read all the predictions, the hatch reports, all the news that  is the news in the duck world. ( I am a prepared duck dog you know!)  and everything said there would be millions of ducks.
Our esteemed DNR Director championed for season date changes and zone boundary changes, that all pointed to an even better season ahead. I was excited!
But there were no birds.

NO BIRDS!

Some say it was a freakishly warm winter that kept all of them up north ( I think that means in Wisconsin and Minnesota) some are trying to blame the season and zone changes, but I don't think that mattered. Even we'd had the same as last year, THERE WERE NO BIRDS!

So here I sit... duck season is over in my zone..the human is sucking up herbal tea and nyquil, and I have no birds to my credit. NO freaking birds.

I think it was a conspiracy.

Later Gators.....
I'm going to see if I can find a sky carp; surely they are out there.

Dogs KNOW

It was a long scary weekend for one of my friends.  Mama's friend Jules has  some  little  Chihuahuas. Now look don't go passing judgement already because they are Chihuahuas - I tolerate no breed discrimination..nor does my love Lily..we are not like THAT.

Lucy means as much to Jules as I do to my human.. so she isn't a retriever or a gun dog? So what? Lucy has been with Jules through her roughest, darkest days, and we dogs know..We know when our humans need extra love.. we're smart that way.

Not that I would ever encourage any dog friend to go on a walk about - especially when my dog friend is a Chihuahua who lives in coyote territory - but sometimes.. well our noses just lead us on down the road where maybe..just maybe,  we ought not be going. It's dog thing. My dog friends all know and are looking around in guilty shame.. we've all done it. Dogs.. admit it!

Well, Little Lucy  went on journey this weekend. Bad timing there Lucy...

Lucy's  human is recovering from surgery and couldn't hoof it all over three counties to look for her.
Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth that took place.

I kept telling  my human that Lucy was fine.. keep the faith.

WE DOGS KNOW THESE THINGS!

Did anyone listen to me? I really don't think so.. The humans were all in a tizz because it was nasty weather for a little gal like Lucy -  bad time to be outside all night . None of the humans would dare to even say the coyote word out loud.

What the humans did was band together.. dog people; they are darn good folks. Humans who owned big dogs, little dogs, medium dogs, young dogs, old dogs, and even a few stupid dogs.. (sorry but  some of my dog pals just aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer..) used all this internet stuff and and their love of  all us wonderful canines to help find Lucy. Our great friend Gila who knows everybody in the dog world..created a flyer and sent it  to half the country. LITERALLY. My pals at Retrievers Unlimited helped out and passed the word. The retrievers all put those good noses in the air, took a good sniff, and agreed with me.. Keep the faith humans.. Lucy will be fine.

The word spread far and wide.

This morning I found out that after a night on the town Saturday (psst Lucy..call me and tell me all the dirt..I bet you had heck of good time!) and long, cold,  wet, day  yesterday, Lucy was found safe and sound.

Now in celebration of her safe return - Lucy got pie..Lucy got whipped cream on her pie!

For the record - I got called a criminal and boot in my butt when I came home from my last journey.. There is no justice...~ sigh - snort -sigh~

But I kept the faith, and my human kept the faith, and all the great dogs and dog people I know kept the faith that Lucy would be fine. And she was. 

Because after all - we dogs know.

Later Gators....
Listen to your dog friends.. cause DOGS KNOW!

Back to Normal!

Oh Holy Milk Bones folks has it ever been a trying time for me the last month or so. Medicine Mama got breasted out like a goose- they called it something else, but I still think that's what they did. I had to be on my very best behavior, she had these things... these tubes everywhere.. and they smelled funny.. (seriously  I don't want to gross everyone out- but they smelled like blood) now that was a little too weird for this guy. I was absolutely forbidden to sniff, lick or otherwise explore all that stuff hanging around her. Honest -  I wouldn't have chewed on it any of it but gosh - it was weird.

And speaking of weird - just between us- that crazy woman is nutty enough without a butt load of pain meds. Sheesh I have never seen so much crying out of her in my life - frankly; she never cries. Medicine Mama sure made up for that no crying business though..for two solid weeks if she wasn't sleeping she was crying - no matter how many cute tricks I pulled she still cried. I put antlers, chewies, bumpers, everything I could find - including a couple of  black birds and a mouse I caught in her bed. NOTHING helped.  I  probably started retaining water from too much salt I licked so many tears off her face.

Let us not forget all the fetching and getting and - well jeez- I was beginning to feel like an indentured servant- she couldn't get any thing for herself. And crabby...whooooeeee... who cares if the socks I brought her didn't match? The woman has never worn matching socks in her life and NOW it's a big deal?

Thank all doggy fates, gods, karma whatever your preference may be - for my friend Cop Voice Jason.
I heard his truck hit the driveway, and I knew he was there to save me! OH he was wonderful.. I just raced right to him and hopped in that big ol truck of his - it was heaven! Even the truck smelled like ducks and mud and cruddy water.
.
Mr. Cop Voice took me to his lake and oh it was heavenly, all he wanted me to fetch up was birds and bumpers.. no whining, no crying, no funny smelling tubes and bandages.. just plain good dog fun. Just us guys..no whiny girls.  Although,  he is a little testy about that whole stop, drop, and roll thing when he blows that whistle. Let's just say my butt will hit the ground every time I hear it now. I hate to ruin his reputation as some mean ass long arm of the law guy..but he really is good to me, and I would have needed Medicine Mama's medicine if hadn't been for him saving me and taking me out to play.

Then - after I worked , and worked, and worked so hard while she was down and out, she finally suits up and heads to find birds - Did I get to go?????

OH HELL NO... Mia went...Piper went... but I, her faithful companion, guard dog, and slave was left behind..peering sadly and dejectedly through the porch rails. Evidently not sadly enough and dejectedly enough because she didn't even look back when she left the driveway.

Oh sure.. she tried explaining it all away  with some crazy story about doctors orders and I was too big and rowdy.

I am not rowdy. I am exuberant. So there.

Like she'd been following her doctors anyway.. I showed her.. I sulked and snorted ( I am a very good snorter when I'm aggravated) for two whole days. And just to make my point - I drug the mattress off her futon and stuck it under the dining room table. Trust me, even I get a little vengeful  when I'm pushed too far.

But yay for her and yay for me - we are without  those doctors, and tubes and restrictions and FINALLLLLY I got to go roam around town with her again yesterday .

Just for the record I was on my very best behavior everywhere we went. I charmed them at the library - I charmed Aunt Sue, I impressed the other ladies on the walking track.. I was a star!

All I can say is  life is getting back to normal, I am not fetching my tail off 24 hours a day anymore and I can actually find the time to keep you humans in the know and blog  again.

You humans... you sure can be lots of work.

Later gators... I'm going to fetch up her boots and we are going SOMEWHERE! Even if I have to drive!

Darn It Dolly!

Pssst...Hey..It's me..Willie...

I'm just a tad miffed at my housemate Dolly. Now this isn't the first tangle that Dolly and I have gotten into. Dolly thinks she's bees knees, the Queen of Everything, she's more than sure she's the Alpha in this house and never ever lets Buddy or I forget it. Believe me she is living proof that rank has it's privileges.

Let's just say that she's more than spoiled and whatever Dolly wants Dolly gets.

Every stinking time.

Just trust me when I tell you Dolly gets by with all kinds of things that for Buddy and I would result in foot in the fanny.

Finally I get to have a go at the chukars. I've been waiting for a week. I saw them..I smelled them.. I've been whining and hopping and body slamming  Medcine Mama everytime catch a whiff them;  for forever it seems.

I was soooo happy yesterday - the chuckars came out and I was off like a shot.

Speaking of shots - did I mention that Dolly is gun shy? Did I mention that she won't do a water retrieve? She dips in one toe and the runs shrieking back to our human. She's too much of princess to get in smelly river and pond water. And mud? Not on her delicate little diva feet - But I digress...

I fetched up that chukar like there was no tomorrow. I did the parade   romp just to make sure Buddy and Dolly saw that ....

I HAVE A BIRD! I have a bird! I have a bird! I am a good gun dog! I have a bird! I did good! I have a bird...

Suddenly Dolly left her at heel position with Mama and in one of her infamous "Drive By Dolly " moves (usually performed on somebody's ham sandwich) she came snarling and spitting and tearing right past my head and in the blink of an eye and a flutter of  feathers  the chukar was gone! Ripped right from my soft little delicate bird holding mouth.

I HAD a bird. I know I did. I have a feather stuck on my tongue..

Did Dolly do the right thing and deliver it to Medicine Mama's hand  with nary a feather out of place? Oh God no. Not the Queen.. it was HER chukar..and her's alone. Even Buddy just stood there with his big ol' mouth hanging open catching flies. Buddy may think in cartoons, but even he knows -

NO BIRD CRUNCHING

She mangled and chomped and crunched ..... oh the humanity... it was bloody disastrous sight.

If you haven't gathered by now -  Dolly is lousy hunting dog. She may be a great service dog, she may be a princess and I know she's been here forever..and she's getting old and testy - but heaven help us if that crazy gun shy bitch ever goes afield with me again. Just sayin'...She's not welcome in my field or blind, or pit anymore.
She's a bird cruncher.  A BIRD CRUNCHER! Oh the humanity....

Just as fast as she ripped that chukar from my poor confused jaws, she completely destroyed it. The feathers flew,  and there was just a little pile of legs and bones and feathers.

She looked all serial killer smug when she was done.

Yep I am miffed - finally I get my chance at chukar, I get to show everyone what a wonderful bird dog I could be and Dolly wrecks it all and eats my chukar..

Darn it Dolly!

I'm just thinking I am going to request we leave that savage and crabby old broad at home next time.  (Dolly you goof balls, not Medicine Mama! MM is  only a savage once in awhile.)  Dolly's on the road to making a retirement career of it.

I might add it has become remarkably  clear why we don't have any chickens. I bet we did once before I got here and Dolly  had a chicken massacre, a chicken crunching field day. Medicine Mama will neither confirm nor deny my chicken crunching allegations about Dolly  - so I'm running with the story  that Dolly is a chicken and chukar cruncher. 

Dolly didn't even get growled at for wrecking the chukar. I'd have gotten an earful. and probably an ear pinch.

Oh yeah she thinks she's queen of everything that Dolly, but her day is coming. Before she knows it  I am going to be the Alpha  dog, I'm going to be the one with the cool vest, and the harness and the backpack. I'll be the one that gets to go all the cool places with Medicine Mama.  

Even places they shoot guns.
Because I an not gun shy.
Because I am not a bird cruncher. 


So there Dolly - just keep on munching on those chukars... My day is coming!

Much Ado About Nothing

Hey..psst.. it's me..Willie...

My silly human and her silly human friend the Funeral Home Chick (I'm serious as a heart attack - that chica talks to dead people.. ) along with Auntie Sue got in a big, giant, huge, fizz yesterday.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING - really.

Medicine Mama and The Funeral Home Chick were going to lunch. I might add - I was not invited.. ahem..

Medicine Mama was in her typical running behind, trying to do three things at once and lost her train of thought state of mind. Lost? Truthfully her train of thought was derailed and  in a big wreck.

Of course the blame fell on me... it always falls on me. Sigh.. I'm glad I'm blocky, stocky, lab and have wide shoulders 'cause you humans sure pile it on me. Literally and figuratively. 

Truthfully - it is only partially my fault, and if they would have all just calmed down and stopped that silly human wailing and gnashing of teeth - I would have fixed it all. But I was seriously distracted by the utter chaos those three created in my house.

Just picture it - three adult (and I use that term loosely when it comes to this trio) women running crazed through the house ranting and raving about Medicine Mama's missing glasses. Evidently she really can't see so well without them. Seems they are indeed necessary - who was I to know this? Hmm did anyone tell me this ever? NO!

Now this is just my humble opinion, but if MM would clean house once every few years, things would be infinitely  easier to find when they are missing. I was amazed that Funeral Home Chick and Aunt Sue didn't point out that simple fact midway through the whole  "OMG WILLIE ATE THE GLASSES!"  trumoil I was subjected to.

It's simple.. I found them on the bathroom floor.

I picked them up and was headed to the desk with them when there was an uproar in the yard. Buddy and Dolly were howling and .growling and it was clear there was huge threat to security out there.

I was momentarily distracted.

I might have carried the glasses outside.

I might have put them in secure spot under the leaves on the back deck.

I did not eat them for heavens sake. I did not chew them up for heavens sake. I did not lose them. 

I'm not the one who carelessly left them on the bathroom floor. 

To her credit, MM kept telling me to find and fetch them up - but with all that crazy running amok and wailing and carrying on those three women were doing I simply could not concentrate or remember exactly where I left them - safe and sound mind you. I could remember they weren't hurt in anyway, so I truly still fail to see the big deal here.

Finally Mama sent the other two crazy ladies packing - resigned that she would be making the hour long trip to the eye glasses place to get a replacement pair.  HAH!

Did she really think I was going to let her drive  all that way? Especially since I had learned by then these glasses are big deal for her?

We had a little " come to Jesus" talk as she calls it (I call it a royal butt chewing thank you very much).

Okay fine - I see this is indeed a big honking deal. Fine. I trotted out to exactly where I left them. I fetched them up. I delivered them to hand. So there.

Now stop that wailing and gnashing of teeth would you ladies? It gets on my nerves.  

Later Gators.. going to try and scare up a bird or two..

I Have the Nose..That Knows!

Psst..hey..it's me Willie....

MUD!!! WATER!!! YAY!!!!

Freedom at last! Thankfully all that silly business about having to stay quiet, don't get wet. don't go the woods - Whew! It's finally over! I am able to go swimming, running amok, and mushroom hunting with Medicine Mama again.

I just love stirring  up the mud and water- I'm free again!

I really need to  be out there with her. She is such a klutz and gets her self into the biggest fixes when I am not along to supervise. For instance - just the other day she took a faceplant into the brush pile.

STICK IN  THE EYE! STICK IN THE EYE!!!

 Would have never happened if she'd had me along...I know my job is to look after her. Just sayin'... she ought to know better than to take off without me. Ahem. Thankfully she didn't really rip anything to shreds- I am not up for being a seeing eye dog. Oh no.. I draw the line at that. Well maybe.. okay fine - you are all correct; I would be a seeing eye dog if that's what she needed. But really - you want to try and tell her she needs one?  Hmm.. Didn't think so.

So anyway - Back to all the fun and mayhem - er - retriever activity the last few days.
First day out we got to go run around with our friends Adam and Piper; well they really are more than just our friends, Piper is my cousin and Adam is just plain special.

See; this is exactly why I like Adam - He'll do the heavy lifting for me. Have you ever seen so much FUNGUS?

I like it when he goes along, takes a little heat off me and he helps her lots so I can go play with Piper and just be a dog. That's important you know - we caregivers need some time to ourselves.

Piper! I'm Free!! I'm Free!!! Lets go Cousin! I smell turkey  poop ahead!

Piper- Tell your human to mellow out- we are waterdogs and this isn't hurting a thing...

Adam didn't believe that I'd been playing find the mushroom with her..but she's been putting this crazy smelly stuff on one of my chompers, smells like fungus to me peee eeew..makes me sneeze sometimes too.

But I know that it's evidently some big deal because when she told me to hunt em up- find the shroom - she got really excited when I found one of those big ugly piles of yes..fungus.

And she thinks I get excited and eat weird things? Would you look at this  pile of fungus? BLECH

Now if it was something dead and smelly- she'd growl at me, if it was goose poop, she'd growl at me.. but if its bones or fungus..those are good things. Who would know? - she is kind of a weirdo you know. 

While we are on this retrieving/hunt em up  subject- why  fungus ? I happen to know we have some perfectly good chukars..I saw them....when do I get to retrieve them? Huh?  Isn't that what I am supposed be after? Huh? BIRDS????

Yep I have a nose that knows - it knows she really needs to clean out this stinky car too!

 

So anyhow I'm a happy guy - because I have a nose that knows! If it makes her happy, it makes me happy. But Lily my love- would you please speak to your human about this craziness of hers and Medicine Mama's that involved sticking their heads in a skunk hole? Really - We know better and we are just dogs. Oh yeah - that's right, we are dogs with noses that know. Noses that know better than to go sticking them in skunk holes! Think we missed that teachable moment Lily? ?

Later Gators - gotta go find more  fungus ( MM should really just  look in the basement---my nose says there's plenty down there.)

It's Been A Great Summer

Psst..hey ..it's me Willie ...

Finally! I have gotten that Wild Woman slowed down and regained my access to the computer. Whew - she's been running around for last week like rabbit  with a pack of hounds hot it on it's trail. ( Oh BunBun calm down-it's just an expression- really - they'd  never set the hounds on you..and if anyone did.. I'd create a diversion..honest)

I've been reading up on this blogging business, because I know how expensive Dolly, Buddy and I can get. They may not care about bringing home the bacon, but I on the other hand insist on doing my part around here.

Remember?  My beloved Lily has that zero tolerance policy on deadbeats?

So in order to improve my skills as a blogger I've been hanging out and reading over Medicine Mamas shoulder when she visits The Outdoor Bloggers Network, there's good stuff there fellow bloggers..seriously you can take advice from a dog, just don't tell your friends and family I'm your adviser - because my schedule is getting a little full these days; and they might think you are as nutty as my human. 


Now this Outdoor Bloggers Network place has these nifty prompts for those who have writers block or need a boost in their creative mojo that seem to very helpful to the humans out there in the blogging world.

Just for the record - I rarely have a problem with having something to say - but the prompts are fun.

So the most recent one was about our favorite photos from this summer, Hah That's a piece of cake! We all know my human as files and files and files of photos.

Without further adieu - here are some of my favorite times from this summer.

~This is not proof that I am an  overachiever retriever - I just couldn't pick just one is all...~

The absolute best part of summer was meeting our hero The Hunters Wife! We  got her out on a boat with flying carp landing at her delicate pink feet!

My human is always happy when she shoots fish..and I get to play in the water! 

Medicine Mama and our best friend Adam at Ferne Clyffe State Park - note the water ;)

Meeting and training with my new friend Hershey and his human Madison

Fishing with our pal Tater 

My new friend and training partner Molly  - even if her human does have that scary  "cop voice" he's really a nice guy

Playing at Silver Creek Hunt Club with Mia, Nes, Piper and Beau while our humans build the new club house

Later Gators...
Medicine Mama's chomping at the bit to go find mushrooms..AGAIN
Willie

What a Crab!

Psst - hey - It's me Willie

Boy is my human a crab these days. There is nothing I can do to please her. And she's not very nice when she's crabby.

I was crushed this past weekend -
My beloved Lily's humans came to visit - and Lily didn't get to come along! I know that Crabby Pants had a hand in that. Then they all went off to play in the woods - where there's a big creek that is great fun for splashing and swimming and I always find dead stuff there to roll in. But- did I get to go?

Nnooooooo......

All that silly lockdown business until I heal up.

Crabby Pants said I had to stay home.

Yesterday morning I was only trying to get her outside - it was really a pretty day and going outdoors always makes her smile; soooooo I took her interview notes and notebook outside . I put some of the notes on the deck, some in the fountain, some under the rosebush. You see, I thought a little scavenger hunt in the sunshine might be fun and help improve her mood.

Well - not so much.

Crabby pants shouted at me! In that "you are a criminal" tone of voice.  Something about deadlines, no time for foolishness.

She called me a piss ant.

A Piss Ant.

Sigh...

I know she doesn't feel good, and I know she is worried. You humans think I don't pay attention. But I hear those conversations about doctors and surgery and hospitals. I think she's a little scared too.

So I just keep laying down with her when she naps, and sitting on her lap, I lick her face and snuggle her up.

No! I am not too big to be a lap dog!

She's going off to the city tomorrow and it is big deal I think because the fuzzy human is going along and he never goes with her.

(and you humans think think I just run around chewing up shoes and sticks  all day  but I pay attention!)

So today I am going be the best dog I can be and maybe Crabby Pants will snap out of it long enough to throw a bumper and stop calling me piss ant.

Piss ant. How offensive.

Later Gators -
I'm going to fetch up Crabby Pants some coffee..
Willie

I Have Been HAD!!!!

Psst...it's me .. Willie

I am just a little miffed at all of you humans  today. (a few canines too  -yoo hoo Lily? Fat Tire? Wrinkles?) 

I have been had with this whole trip to Dr. Tim's this week.

Sure everyone did all that explaining about being a responsible fellow, walking funny, it won't hurt a bit - but did anyone tell me I would be on lock down for two weeks??

Oh noooo ..not one single soul. Not one single  canine, feline or rabbit (that means you BunBun) friend bothered to tell me this either.

NO PLAYING IN THE MUD AND WATER FOR TWO WEEKS!!!!

Ohhhh..the humanity...

Yesterday I went happily skipping down the steps with Medicine Mama - she sent me back up the steps! I was trapped in that prison of a porch while she went off to CHASE DUCKS!

Yes, CHASE DUCKS!
ON WATER!
WITH MUD!

And I had to watch her drive out of the driveway with nary a second glance in my direction. And believe me - my little head poking through bars of my porch prison was a pretty pitiful sight.

No playing in the water for two weeks...no muddy jumping and splashing...no one told me THAT part- I might not have been so cheerful on Tuesday had I known this part of things.

To just throw gas on the fire - MM is being overly careful with me and won't let me go snooping around in the woods either! She is of the opinion I'll do something silly like leap over a log or find a one  square inch puddle or something. She can be sooo obsessive about the craziest things.

Well, all I can say is; I  hope she realizes how much she needs me when she  can't haul her too many trips to the dairy queen fanny up some hill. So there.

Lockdown for two solid  weeks....
Ohhhh..the humanity.....

Later Gators-
I'm just going to sulk and stare through these prison bars...
Willie

Learning About Beer

Psst ..it's me Willie..

I made it through D Day with flying colors. Really it wasn't so bad. The worst part was having to be quiet and restful, and stay in my kennel.

But I am such a charming fellow - and everyone at the clinic loves me. I chatted them up and showed them that I am healthy and strong and have energy to spare.
The even told my fuzzy human that I was certainly friendly and enthusiastic about life.

Did you know they give you something that makes you loopy?? I mean LOOOOPY. More loopy than beer.

I know - I know - you are all wondering what a good guy like me knows about beer. I guess I'd better explain. I wouldn't want my beloved Lily to think she's getting some drunk deadbeat- I suspect she has a zero tolerance policy on drunks and deadbeats. 

Part of my job is to fetch things up for Medicine Mama to save her steps, and help her out when she's not walking so good.
Well that fuzzy human in the house thinks I should fetch things up for him too. Secretly I think he just wants to show me off to his friends - because well - I am a talented dog!

So the fuzzy human decided I should fetch up beer for him.
Medicine Mama is not a big fan of all the beer business..

Seemed like every time I fetched up a beer I had a little bit of a hard mouth and poked  holes in the can - those are the flimsiest things -

Perhaps I slurped up a little, because truthfully (don't tell Medicine Mama, she'll be sending me off for an intervention next) it tasted pretty good!

But somehow before the training session was over and I figured out I should soft mouth those cans  I was a little loopy..

Medicine Mama even yelled at the fuzzy human - something along the lines of me being enough trouble (I am not trouble!!!) without me being drunk, hmmm so that's what this loopy feeling is called.

Needless to say - I don't fetch up beer cans anymore. Darn it.

Later Gators -
Medicine Mamas having a rough morning - I 'm off to be cute and entertaining!
Willie

Gulp! It's D-Day!

Pssst....it;s me..Willie


I can't sleep - we are just a few hours away from  you know -
That great life altering - and heavy on the altering part - moment.
Yes- Yes - Yes I understand the whole be a responsible fella part of this. My beloved Lily tells me that it's the right thing to do and I trust Lily infinitely -
but FELLAS!!!!
YOU GUYS!
Yes, you males out there...this is stress provoking!
Don't misunderstand me - I like Dr. Tim and the whole crew there- they are all really nice humans who take very good care of me and all the animals in our neighborhood.
Nice is important in humans. Remember - Lily and I don't do mean!
But I am having trouble with being confused about humans again - If they are such nice humans, and Medicine Mama loves me so much WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??????
Medicine Mama says it's a good thing and will keep us all safe, well and happy.
Happy just ain't what I'm thinking right now.


Later Gators..
Gonna go howl at the moon,
Willie

I Just Don't Get It

Pssst..hey it's me Willie....

You know humans you are a confusing bunch. See - it was raining all day yesterday, and usually that makes Medicine Mama happy - she's a firm believer that rain brings good things. ( The woman is obsessed with mushrooms I tell ya - we really should call her Mushroom Mama)

Those hen of the woods simply would not fit in my packs. She had to carry those herself.

But she was in tizzy , had some bee in her bonnet about this Jeff Foiles guy. Now I've never really met a human I didn't like - Because I am just that likable, friendly sort you know -

But,  I read over her shoulder, and this Foiles fella- I don't think I like him much. He sounds mean.
I don't like mean people, and my beloved Lily - she has a zero tolerance policy on mean.

So we had a  long day at the desk yesterday - and since I am supposed to just lay there calmly at her feet while she works, I had a LOOOOONG day.
Thank goodness she guzzles coffee like there's no tomorrow, and that makes her get up and race to potty periodically. Other wise I'd have been stuck under that darn desk all day!
See Buddy taught me - lay down when sits down, get up when she gets up. And he thought I wasn't paying attention...HA! 

I tried every I am a cute and fun loving fella trick I knew to distract her.
Even rolling around with all those fun cables in my mouth.
By the way BunBun - what is it with these humans their obsessive behavior and attachment  to a bunch of black wire? I've heard your humans are the same way when you chew on those nifty little coils and strings of plastic.
Humans - pfft - you  pick the silliest things to get excited about.

Now here's my confusion - Crabby Pants growled at me every time I came back in from my own potty breaks (okay, okay, there were a couple I faked so I could chase the squirrels) because I was wet and messy and muddy and was just being me out there loving all things wet, smelly, and goopy.
Well, maybe I should have left the crawdads outside. Evidently she likes them better on a fork than on her desk. Again - confusing - when exactly am I and am I not supposed to retrieve crawdads Crabby Pants?

We need a job description here or something. I bet BunBun has one.

I am a water dog - I am a duck dog - rain is water, and ducks usually involve a little too, along with some mud. So, now when am I supposed to be out there racing around in the rain, mud, and muck and when aren't I? Hmmm

EXPLANATION NEEDED HUMANS!

And now today she's hyped up about the mushrooms and we're headed out to the river bottoms..and you know what.. she's going to SEND me into mud and muck and rain. On purpose. And tell me what a good dog I am.

See what I mean?
You humans are a confusing bunch some days .

Later Gators...
Gotta go drag Medicine Mama up and down the levees
Willie

My Buddy, My Pal

Psst.. it's me..Willie....

Really-Willie- Tell EVERYTHING you know why don't ya?

Boy did I make Buddy mad! He thinks I maybe made him look psychotic. He wasn't impressed when I told him not psychotic, just garden variety crazy.

My Buddy..My Pal

No sense of humor some days with that big moose.

So, cause Buddy really is my very,  very, best friend in the whole wide world, I thought I'd better hop to it - (thinking of you BunBun. Get it? Hop? C'mon BunBun work with me here...) - and rectify things.

After all, he didn't eat me when I was little, and carried me around in his mouth .
A LOT.
So I'm figuring I owe the big ol bull one. Remember? He's got a mouth a VW Beetle will fit in.

I don't think Buddy was overjoyed they day I arrived

You wouldn't believe the things you can find if you look in his big mouth

First I've got to explain this whole body blocking business of his. Medicine Mama says I'm like an unmanned D9 dozer running amok through the woods.

Hello?????  I am a dog that's what we do...man there are so many smells in the woods and -

~Squirrel!~

Oops I was distracted there a minute.

Well see,  for all my plundering , plowing,  path clearing fun - Buddy on the other hand is like a flippin' floodwall. The water has got to get pretty darned high for it to get Medicine Mama.

Its simple - She needs a wall in front of her or the pea brain would fall off a cliff.
I'm serious - she has the attention span of a gnat!
So that's what Buddy does - he keeps her from falling off the cliff, down the steps, out the door, and into a heap. He body blocks her every time and keeps her from hitting the dirt.

I've been watching him, and
~ Buddy, I have too been paying attention! Now shut up I'm working ~
Lord, he's still crabby.

Anyhow, I've been learning to do that and Buddy is helping me. Because Buddy doesn't like people.Because Buddy hates to leave home.  He growled at me and snapped those teeth over that doesn't like people part.
Buddy says he likes people.

Yeah sure Buddy, and Jason will vouch for what a people liking guy you are.

But to keep him happy, I'll explain it for him. I want to keep him happy cause Mr. Is-That-A-Black Angus -Bull-Or-A-Dog could squish me like a fly. He could snap me like a twig.

You betcha  I'm sucking up here. I'm too young to die!

Buddy is my very, very, best friend in the whole wide world

Buddy does like people just fine. It's large numbers of people, it's too many noises, to many distractions, it's going to town, it's too much ..just too much for the big guy to process. He can't decide what he's supposed to block from Medicine Mama first.

And that makes his big old blockhead hurt.

So, Buddy stays home, and Buddy body blocks everything and everybody that could hurt Medicine Mama -
So that whole eat Jason alive thing (that was so NOT my fault bu the way) well, that was just Buddy doing his job. And Jason, he's really, really sorry that he tried to -

 ~Rabbit! ~
HeyBunBun??? Is that you...wait up.......

.

Well Whaddya Know.. I'm A Blogger!

Psst.. hey it's me Willie - you know the poor long suffering hound  that has been charged with looking after Medicine Mama.

Who would have thought it - I'm a blogger now.  It all kind of started with the gals over at Prois and the great me or BunBun debate. Next thing you know this human is calling that human and well, now I'm a blogger!

It's a good thing though, because I'm sure you've heard - I'm in love with this gorgeous high class blondie named Lily. And Lily has certain expectations, so if I'm gong to have a hope in hell of keeping her, I had to find some way to make honest working dog of myself, and stop all this "gee ain't life a party" business.

That Lily - she's a beauty and she's loads of fun, but she won't tolerate a deadbeat.

So again  this human called that human and the next thing you know I have a career that hopefully will take Lily and I to some pretty exciting places. All because I'm a big mouth tell  all the secrets I know fella who has a developing Facebook addiction.

Lily and I have   made a concious decison to remain childless. Travel and our expected fame will be  much easier managed without some pack of little bumper chewers nipping at our heels and Lily will retain her beuatiful girlish figure.

(Seriously have you seem some of those girl dogs after puppies; all droopy and dangly and saggy?  YUCKO)


Besides,  we are a socially and morally conscious duo and the shelters are full of great dogs who just need some love. No need for us to be adding to the over population crisis - although......I am convinced that any children we would have would have been stellar.

Speaking of shelters and dogs that just need love; My very best friend in the whole wide world, Buddy  came from a shelter. Well, shelter is too kind of a word. He was on doggie death row when Medicine Mama brought him home.

I've seen the photos of Buddy  during his first days and Holy Moses was he a scruffy looking mess - all bony and big patches of missing fur, and crazy as a loon. Serious call the behaviorist crazy. Lily wouldn't have given that train wreck the time of day.

But Medicine Mama nursed him, and loved him , and worked with him and he's a pretty good sort these days. He's told me some pretty sad and traumatic  tales, but he says there's nothing  love won't cure.
I have to argue that point with him though. Cause he's still a little nutty.

I know lots of people were pretty mean to him when was out there scratching  around as stray, and that left some scars and a general distrust of humans. ( Hey I watch Dr. Phil! I know these things!)

But really Buddy - a word of  advice - not all humans are bad. He's a loyal guy. Insanely loyal, and will not leave Medicine Mama's side.

AT HOME

Take Buddy away from home and he just freaks completely out - he attaches his big old 150 pound built like an angus bull body to Medicine Mama and NO ONE  and I do mean NO ONE is allowed near her.
He really has to get over this, or I'm writing Dr. Phil next and dragging  him there.

Now Buddy doesn't really get aggressive, he doesn't snap and growl, but he body blocks. And he's got a heck of big body for that blocking. He takes grown men off their feet with one hip check,  brute that he is.
Which is pretty much exactly what he did to our friend Jason the other day. Oh it was a terrible confusing thing - Medicine Mama is still blaming me for the whole affair.

ALL I did was go visit the neighbors. She freaked out. (She and Buddy could both stand a day with Dr. Phil I think.)  Our Friend Jason came to help hunt me up.

I might have a been little overzealous in my response to "Here! Heel! NOW! "

I might have knocked Medicine Mama on her ever increasing fanny.

All I know is one minute things were fine and the next that crazy Buddy is trying eat our friend Jason alive. He just lost it when Jason bent over to help One-Too-Many-Trips To- The DQ up from the ground. And believe me, Buddy has a mouth that's so big he can carry a VW Beetle around it. I've seen him  do it. Honest.

Thankfully,  he snapped out of it When Medicine Mama yelled  at him or poor Jason would be missing an arm. 

Took the heat off my roaming butt for a few minutes though. (Thanks  my friend!)

So I had to explain to Buddy that sometimes humans have to help her, and he just might as well get over it. I'm not sure he's buying it, but we''l see the next time Jason comes to visit. If he ever comes back again!

All I can tell you in closing today is this - Buddy has really taught me how to help Medicine Mama,  so I feel like I have to teach him to like other humans. We'll see if this works out or if  he  single toothedly runs off every  good friend Medicine Mama has!

Later Gators - I think I hear a squirrel!
~ Willie