Friday, October 28, 2011

Darn It Dolly!

Pssst...Hey..It's me..Willie...

I'm just a tad miffed at my housemate Dolly. Now this isn't the first tangle that Dolly and I have gotten into. Dolly thinks she's bees knees, the Queen of Everything, she's more than sure she's the Alpha in this house and never ever lets Buddy or I forget it. Believe me she is living proof that rank has it's privileges.

Let's just say that she's more than spoiled and whatever Dolly wants Dolly gets.

Every stinking time.

Just trust me when I tell you Dolly gets by with all kinds of things that for Buddy and I would result in foot in the fanny.

Finally I get to have a go at the chukars. I've been waiting for a week. I saw them..I smelled them.. I've been whining and hopping and body slamming  Medcine Mama everytime catch a whiff them;  for forever it seems.

I was soooo happy yesterday - the chuckars came out and I was off like a shot.

Speaking of shots - did I mention that Dolly is gun shy? Did I mention that she won't do a water retrieve? She dips in one toe and the runs shrieking back to our human. She's too much of princess to get in smelly river and pond water. And mud? Not on her delicate little diva feet - But I digress...

I fetched up that chukar like there was no tomorrow. I did the parade   romp just to make sure Buddy and Dolly saw that ....

I HAVE A BIRD! I have a bird! I have a bird! I am a good gun dog! I have a bird! I did good! I have a bird...

Suddenly Dolly left her at heel position with Mama and in one of her infamous "Drive By Dolly " moves (usually performed on somebody's ham sandwich) she came snarling and spitting and tearing right past my head and in the blink of an eye and a flutter of  feathers  the chukar was gone! Ripped right from my soft little delicate bird holding mouth.

I HAD a bird. I know I did. I have a feather stuck on my tongue..

Did Dolly do the right thing and deliver it to Medicine Mama's hand  with nary a feather out of place? Oh God no. Not the Queen.. it was HER chukar..and her's alone. Even Buddy just stood there with his big ol' mouth hanging open catching flies. Buddy may think in cartoons, but even he knows -


She mangled and chomped and crunched ..... oh the humanity... it was bloody disastrous sight.

If you haven't gathered by now -  Dolly is lousy hunting dog. She may be a great service dog, she may be a princess and I know she's been here forever..and she's getting old and testy - but heaven help us if that crazy gun shy bitch ever goes afield with me again. Just sayin'...She's not welcome in my field or blind, or pit anymore.
She's a bird cruncher.  A BIRD CRUNCHER! Oh the humanity....

Just as fast as she ripped that chukar from my poor confused jaws, she completely destroyed it. The feathers flew,  and there was just a little pile of legs and bones and feathers.

She looked all serial killer smug when she was done.

Yep I am miffed - finally I get my chance at chukar, I get to show everyone what a wonderful bird dog I could be and Dolly wrecks it all and eats my chukar..

Darn it Dolly!

I'm just thinking I am going to request we leave that savage and crabby old broad at home next time.  (Dolly you goof balls, not Medicine Mama! MM is  only a savage once in awhile.)  Dolly's on the road to making a retirement career of it.

I might add it has become remarkably  clear why we don't have any chickens. I bet we did once before I got here and Dolly  had a chicken massacre, a chicken crunching field day. Medicine Mama will neither confirm nor deny my chicken crunching allegations about Dolly  - so I'm running with the story  that Dolly is a chicken and chukar cruncher. 

Dolly didn't even get growled at for wrecking the chukar. I'd have gotten an earful. and probably an ear pinch.

Oh yeah she thinks she's queen of everything that Dolly, but her day is coming. Before she knows it  I am going to be the Alpha  dog, I'm going to be the one with the cool vest, and the harness and the backpack. I'll be the one that gets to go all the cool places with Medicine Mama.  

Even places they shoot guns.
Because I an not gun shy.
Because I am not a bird cruncher. 

So there Dolly - just keep on munching on those chukars... My day is coming!

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